- Mohamad Kalaaji
People vary in ways that we categorize them based on structural, deterministic, intelligence, personality, illness mental or physical (diagnosed or invisible) traits. You might meet with someone that is active, passive, anxious, or calm.
There are individuals who are driven to achieve something in this world while others might be indolent and would prefer to indulge in low effort satisfactory tasks. The degree to which these differences are immutably part of us and parcel our image to the world in a much greater deal than what an optimist might presume or desire, hence people are unexpected and filled with mystery, we might expect one thing then see a different image of them as we get to know them later on.
Making friends in the first place
You may ask yourself: why I am friends with a certain person? What benefits I am giving to this person? What are the benefits I am getting from this person?
There are friendships that happen by accident, in circumstances that we don’t have control over but we tend to be friends with this person because we get along in certain point(s).
There are friendships that happen through an interest in the significant other on many levels from mental, physical, behavioral traits that we tend to prefer or want in a certain person.
And there are friendships that arise from acquiantanceship, they are formed when your acquaintance tend to get along with you, but it doesn’t mean that it is a good thing. Sometimes we might have low opinions about our worth, we tend to refuse to take responsibilities in life thus we choose a new acquaintance or get chosen as an acquaintance. Those people don’t believe that they deserve any better and they don’t look for something that is good for them for several reasons ranging from laziness or not getting into trouble to become a better person in society.
Haven’t you realize that sometimes we tend to be friends with the same type of people but different faces? Freud calls it the “repetition compulsion” in which it is an unconscious drive to repeat the same horrors of the past and to formulate them in an attempt to master them or fear of handling new types of horrors and fears or no alternatives arise that you tend to stick with the same fear but try to deal with it on a daily basis.
Those people create a world with the tools they have in their hands directly, it doesn’t mean that those tools are good and they will always create the same result. Faulty tools will produce faulty results and repeating the same usage of those faulty tools will produce the same result over and over.
But you might be wondering, why we tend to stick with those people in the first place? Sometimes people tend to not learn from their mistakes, either lack of motivation to learn or refusal to learn in the first place, thinking that they don’t need this type of knowledge in their lives.
We tend to create friendships with various people who might not be good for us in the first place, solely for the sake of rescuing them. This is known between young people but it is visible in older folks who are too agreeable, naive, or willfully inner self blind.
There are people who object by saying that it is a human right to see the best out of people while claiming that the desire to help is the highest virtue someone would ever reach to, that they would transcend among the crowd and relieve people from their misery.
We tend to rescue those people in an attempt to make them better in life but are they in trouble?
Not everyone is in trouble
Not everyone who is failing in life is a victim, not everyone at the bottom wishes to rise although many do but a small percentage tend to manage. People tend to accept their current circumstances that they are dealing with while others might amplify them, not for the sake of the intensity of that misery but because someone gave them enough space and power to make things look bigger.
They will say that the world is filled with injustice and they are poorly served, that there is no shortage of oppressors in this world among the downtrodden, that their position is the lowest among the masses but deep inside: they are tyrannical wannabes who want to rule and corrupt the world with their falsehood and wrong ideology yet they might be in better positions and circumstances than others whom might be really suffering but remember: they are wannabes, the best they can do is complain and whine on others.
Since social media gives everyone a voice, anyone can cast down an amplified voice and few would find out that it is not that intense as it intended to but for the masses, it makes it look like as if it is the end of the world. I have seen this in the past where a small issue being amplified online as if it is a life threatening issue whereas depression and suicide is not that considered. We stopped caring about others and focus on other people’s problems to make ourselves feel that we are better than them, it is an egoistic act where we feel good about ourselves from the suffering of others
A good example is someone who I used to be friends with. When something bad happens in his life no matter the intensity which ranges from a simple 1 min internet dip or his laptop took 1 minute to boot, he will complain similar to what a toddler would do plus complain that he cannot live on this planet anymore. When I told him that I am undergoing a severe depressive state from several circumstances in life, that fucker told me to brush it off, claimed that depression is fake and nonexistant, it is something we create in our head then continued to complain about his daily issues, the worst part is that everyday he comes with something new. Why that? In simple terms: someone in the past gave him enough space to talk about his problems no matter how big or small they are, he complained about them because he expects people will be by his side and sympathize with him, not realizing that people feel better about themselves because they are not like him: a complaining man-child.
I might be nice?
There is a chance that you are saving someone because you are a strong, generous, well-put-together person who wants to do the right thing in life. It is possible or more likely that you want to draw attention to your inexhaustible reserves of compassion and good-will. Or you are saving someone because you want to convince yourself that the strength of your character is more than a side effect of your luck and birthplace. It might be that it is easier to look virtuous when standing alongside someone utterly irresponsible to make yourself look like the better person or the savior.
Before helping someone
You should find out why that person is in trouble in the first place. You shouldn’t merely assume that he or she is a noble victim of unjust circumstances and exploitation. It is the most unlikely explanation, not the most probable. If you buy the story that everything terrible happened on its own without any personal responsibility on the part of the victim, you deny that person and strip him or her of all power.
You should remember that the attempt to rescue someone is fueled by vanity and narcissism. We should be helping people who do need our help but not for the sake of helping them to prove ourselves that we are the ones who saved them from their issue or misery, but by helping them because it is what we humans are taught to do, the good intentions that our parents taught us and told us about when we were kids.
There is no shame leaving those people behind
If you have a friend whom you wouldn’t recommend to anyone, why would you have this friend for yourself? You might say: out of loyalty. Loyalty is not identical to stupidity. Loyalty must be negotiated, in a fair and honest way. Friendship is a reciprocal arrangement, you are not morally obliged to support someone who is making the world a worser place. Similar to the opposite, you should choose people who want things to be better, not worse. It is a good thing, not a selfish thing to choose people who are good for you. It is appropriate and praiseworthy to associate with people whose lives would be improved if they saw your life improve.