I am 25 years old today, what did I learn?

I rarely write reviews but this year is special, different than all the previous years. Keep in mind that I am writing them based on my daily journal entries (which I am on journal 11) hence this is my verdict on the entire year and what have changed from the previous years.

I'm 25 years old now and it is 5 years away from 30 which I have determined that once I reach 30 and haven't accomplished anything from what I have in mind then I would accept the harsh reality of life and settle down with what I got (on all levels) but for now I have 5 years to experiment and test with.

This review is not like typical reviews, people would write about their achievements but I will take a different approach: I will write the things that I have faced and the problems that I am going to solve

You will see certain elements in a way that might disturb you or you might see things in a different manner, there is no right or wrong way to see things

There are times where you will take tough decisions, and sometimes those decisions might not be in your favor

This year I faced lots of shit and been in situations that I wouldn't dare to get into yet I had to take a decision whether I liked it or not. Friendships broke down or revived, opportunities got rejected or accepted, telling the harsh truth or passing down a lie like all these things I had to resolve towards

Those events could have resulted in a different manner if I have taken the time not jumping into conclusions or they could have been worse if I didn't do anything regarding them like there is no right time to do them except for when the event occurred

In any way I have to pick a side and stick with it to the end, there is no going back at all like it is not like when we were in kindergarten that if we picked the blue color but red won then I could change to red quickly to mark myself as the winner, there are no winners in those battles.

There are times where I have to apologize for what I have done and there are times where I didn't, not because of arrogance but I was right about this thing that I am fighting for

I couldn't find a solution for it to be honest, it is when I write it down in my journal that I would realize if I have made the right decision or not but as you learn from those mistakes that I would be able to take the right decision but it can be the right decision at the moment but not in the future

Think of the things that could have resulted into marvelous and amazing things if I didn't act like an absolute asshole, that if I didn't act egoistic that I could have done something amazing in this world but what if I have dedicated myself towards this thing in a non-egoistic manner that it resulted to eat up my time that I barely had time to do the things that brings me joy in life? We will never know

Reading was used to boast around people that I am an intellectual but in reality it made me more disciplined than before

I have used my 52 books a year challenge as a way to show off in-front of everyone that I am an intellectual and that reading 52 books in a year signifies that I am better than everyone and I have the knowledge to prove it for 3 years

But to show off that you read 52 books a year, you got to put the effort to do so. Like going to the gym you gotta put in the reps to push yourself forward otherwise you would look like that gym douche who is thin as fuck yet thinks himself that he knows everything there. People take advice from someone who has the body of a body-builder or a personal trainer not a random dude who is framing himself to be one (fyi people would take your advice when you are an absolute unit, 2 hours at the gym per day is a huge bargain that signals that you can handle anything by time)

Like that example people take you more serious when you are able to play the intellectual part but as you read day by day that it humbles you down to the point that being an intellectual becomes a natural thing that comes up on its own not something you have to create or perform (this applies to almost everything in life, not only for reading)

Reading helps you to build discipline to the point that you have to read those amount of pages every single day to get the main idea of the book and there is no shortcut in that path because that person who gave you the summary might have skipped on many parts that you could have resonated with much better than anyone on this planet

When you build this discipline that you are able to do other things that require that discipline like recording podcast episodes with guests for 3 hours or sitting down to write a blog post

Reading is a meta skill for other skills like writing, it makes other skills easier once you grasp it properly and taken it to its full advantage. I learned this by accident not in an intentional manner to be honest

Stubborn to the bones even if wrong

One of the things that I am proud and ashamed of at the same time that I am the most stubborn person on planet earth. You gave me a challenge that sparked my interest? I will not rest till I do it, You think that I have done something wrong and you want me to apologize while I think I did the right thing? I will never apologize even if the sky dropped to the ground

Sometimes I am proud of being a stubborn asshole even if the odds stacked against me but if I know that this is the right thing to do then I will go with it and almost every single time I end up being right not because of ego and arrogance but I was able to forecast this event in details for the future which ended up how I forecasted it point by point

But this stubbornness doesn't work with people, certain people break down when you act stubborn towards them and I have a hard time lowering down this stubbornness regardless of the case like there are certain situations that it could have ended up with fooling the person that they are right and move on in life since that how they are able to see the situation even if they are wrong, certain people aren't build nor matured in the same way that you would have been raised

Keep in mind that I am not showing off that I am better than everyone but certain people have a limited mental capacity that you have to take them on their own level, acting smart in-front of them leads to no-where and they will drag you down to their level and beat you to it hence letting them win ends the situation

I rarely show gratitude nor appreciation to things

You rarely see me compliment someone or say "thank you" and you will start thinking of the time that I did say "thank you" to you and you will realize that I have never did

I rarely show appreciation to several things in life verbally and this is due to the fact that I rarely received verbal appreciation nor gratitude for the things I have done. People approach me to get something done, they don't expect to say "thank you" because you are doing your job as told hence it is expected from you to behave in this manner

I appreciate things in a different manner, it can be expressed in different ways not only by words. I do appreciate certain things and people in life but not verbally and this is due to the fact that we are indoctrinated from school time to receive compliments verbally like "Good boy!", "Good girl!", "Nice job!", "You are a star!" but as you grow older you will not receive "You are a star!" for doing your job hence stop expecting compliments

You can appreciate things in life by protecting this thing or person, defending this person with your life, listening to that person by clearing certain time for them, and much more not only through words of affirmation

But I have a problem appreciating the things that I have in my life at the moment that I take for granted, take for example a roof on top of my head and a job I currently have that people are willing to kill to have 1% of what I have at the moment like I can live my life without appreciating the things I have till it is too late

People think I got everything sorted out

My life is an entire mess and there is nothing you can do about it. Every single human being deals with shit in life but majority of us stay silent about it rather than approaching the right people to deal with it

I am not talking about therapy but you can include it, what I am trying to signal here is something else like if you are facing an issue with your business then it wouldn't hurt to ask someone who is an expert in that field for advice even if it means the advice will be against what you have planned for but we fixate on what we know because it is a safer option than the unknown

But no I don't have my life sorted out, I don't know what will happen tomorrow (except for what I am eating tomorrow since I meal prep) and it is fine if you don't have things aligned or sorted out, people think that we are missing out but what if we are dealing with something that has to be solved that nobody knows about? We always assume that we should follow the traditional trajectory in life that everyone undergo with but certain people have setbacks that might make the process a lot different than someone else

I am scared shitless on almost everything and it is fine

There is this fear that I might screw something up when doing it and this is due to the fact that every single decision that you take dictate what happens in the future, you try to take the right decision but there is no right decision to do so

To make this clear that I do what I was told to do, I didn't have the luxury to experiment and screw things up when growing up hence you feel that there is this guilt that doing a mistake is something fatal but as I growing up in life and I am left on my own then I am getting to do things in-front of others that depend on me or will be depending on me like take for example if I became a father in the future and my child faced with a situation that requires my response then what should I do?

As you are growing up and people are taking you as a model to portrait, am I taking the right decision that I won't hurt those people?

Sometimes this fear cripples me to the point that I freeze down and stop thinking at all, like imagine there is a time that I couldn't do anything on a Sunday due to the fact that I don't know how to start this thing that my mind froze and blocked to the point that I returned home frustrated

I am taking small steps regarding this like the blog and podcast were part of this, the podcast plays a huge role in learning about new people that it forces you to start something new with every person I have to get on the show

Seeing patterns and acknowledgment of the unknown

I see patterns almost every single day yet I rarely interfere with those signs, I acknowledge them that there is something that I have to do at the current moment

Imagine one day that my CEO friend and the coffee guy next work opened the same topic as an opener with zero context nor previous conversation of the situation? And when you see this pattern with more and more people then it is time to take notes that it is something that needs to be solved or it will approach you. It is known as frequency illusion or "Baader-Meinhof" phenomenon and it is when someone gives you hints about something in life that now it is more visible than before

I am aware of those patterns and acknowledge them but when it will occur? We don't know but sometimes those patters might lead to good things in life but we never know when they will arrive but sometimes I see patterns that might not lead to the right thing but fortunately that I journal every day that I am aware of many things and those patterns are visible and straight forward hence I am able to take a reasonable decision

Good things take time to arrive

I faced this when I was starting out my podcast that I was going to start it in November 2021 but I ended up starting it in March 2022 and it is the best decision I have ever taken. The guests arrived on the right time and if I did it before then I would have removed the idea of the podcast in the first place

It was done in the right time, I don't know when the other good things in life but I know that good things take time. Ironically it was fear that made me take the time to do so but when it was done, it became the podcast that you see in-front of you that I am proud of

But never in my life I know when it is the right time to do something, we are not sure when the right time will be

Embracing the modern renaissance identity

You would see on my bio on twitter and instagram that "I am a modern day renaissance man" which might strike people's curiosity on what it is and why I am aiming towards that persona

To make it simple: a modern day renaissance man is someone who is knowledgeable about various topics but not in a jack of trades level but verifiable knowledge that can be expressed and acknowledged which can stretch towards mathematics, physics, and much more

But what people don't know that it can stretch towards musical instruments and art which is what I am trying to aim for. For time that I wanted to learn how to play the violin (in 2020 on the day of the Beirut Port blast that I was going to ask a music school but I didn't go there and good thing I didn't go there because I would have been dead from the glass shattering)

But to embrace this life that I am going to read more mathematics based books and learn how to play the violin along with my usual philosophy and psychology book reading habit

I have a problem starting anything from the beginning but can manage it when diving deep into it

One thing that freaks people out when they find out about me that I have a huge fear of starting something than managing something even though I have all the skills to start that thing properly from the beginning

Take for example the podcast like I had a hard time starting it but managing it now is easier than before because I know what I am doing with it

I have a problem starting anything like introducing myself to others but if I know this person then I can carry a conversation without issues or introducing myself to do certain business with a certain person is hard but if that person has an idea of what I do then carrying that conversation becomes easy to do

This is due to the fact that I didn't have the luxury of engaging with people or put my hands dirty from a young age to engage in things that I didn't develop this part properly but now as I am facing this and I have to take the decision to move forward then it is something that I cannot ignore at all, it is part of life that I have to deal with regardless of the case

My introverted side kicks in good when I have to resolve towards social activities but intellectual activities are easy to do when the scope is defined. I am working on that part but it will take a certain amount of time to get used to it

As I am getting older, doing mistakes cost much more than when I was a teenager

I'm 25 years old as I am writing this article and going to say this in a blunt manner: nobody gives a shit of the mistakes that you did when you were 18 like heck almost everyone forgot what the mistake is in the next 3 hours of doing it (not all mistakes but majority of them)

But as you age that doing mistakes cost you a-lot like doing a business and it failed when you are 20 is different when you are 27 because at 20 you can brush it off and move on while at 27 you might have a family and kids to support hence you can't gamble on their lives for the sake of you being successful with something

I am seeing this in full closure that it is not something easy to handle, I wish I did those wacky startup ideas when I was a kid not now yet at that time I was working day and night to pay my college payments (which I did finish them and I don't have any debt whatsoever)

Simple things look complex and complex things look simple

If you know me in person that I am able to explain the most complex elements of life in simple words yet the simple things look complex

I can talk about how certain outcomes can affect our economy in the next 10 years in full details and citing every single book I have read about the topic in an instant but tell me to order a pizza from Dominos looks like heavy lifting work

I overcomplicate things for no reason and shutting my brain down to focus on what I can do is hard but when it happens then I am able to produce results that you wouldn't expect on a clear mind. Overthinking plays a huge role in making simple things look complex but what makes things complex is when my mind is crowded with thoughts which is something that takes time to tame through meditations

People say that I am fortunate with things that I don't see them

I hear this a-lot that people wish they have 1% of my discipline and patience when doing something. Think of it in this sense that I am able to listen to someone speak for several hours yet able to recite everything they said in details and provide them advice or the ability of thinking of the small details in things and people like when writing code that I add certain touches that you know I did this or the ability to sit in-front of a computer writing code with full focus

In reality I didn't wish for this ability because it is fucking me up to the point that I overthink lots of elements that I shouldn't be focusing on and wish I have a clean state mind all the time. It comes handy when doing something but not in every moment like when I am trying to exercise and I came up with the idea to reverse a linked list (it is a coding joke)

Or the things that I do that they recall that they wish they can do but unable to do so, not meaning to be egoistic here but I am not superman and everything that I do is doable by anyone else on this planet but you don't think of it as a priority but a nice-to-have

There are things in life that you are fortunate to have that is not acquired in ease and I understand that but it is about accepting what you got rather than wishing for something that you don't have

Regardless if you planned something or not, nothing will happen as you would expect

I am notoriously known for writing plans and sticking with them to the point that I would plan my day to the brim following that plan but this year I didn't stick with a specific plan as much as I did before

This is due to the fact of the amount of roller-coaster of events that pilled up on me that I was barely able to follow any plan, things happened unexpectedly and I had to do something regarding this

In 2021 I have written plans and restructured things all over again multiple times, even I have changed task notebooks thinking that it might have impacted my performance but nothing at all

Nothing happened as I have planned, sometimes things go much better than I have expected

What will happen next?

I'll keep on doing what I normally do but there will be a time that I will have to take several decisions in my life that might change things to a different dimension

We don't know what might happen next but let us see what this year has for us

What I am trying to do now is set a foundation or base for the things that I want to achieve in my life and I understand that it is going to be a long journey worth diving into

I will transition towards doing a startup on the side and see how my life will move forward, see the new people I will meet and that one special person that I would decide to settle down with in my life along with where I will be spending my time at like buying a house here in Lebanon or moving to a different country but now I don't have visibility nor scope on any of those at all which is fine since I can't predict the future, you experience those things by time but eventually I will have to take a tough decision for each of those things mentioned here